i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just cropdusted the office
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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