WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
