your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I CAN MOONWALK!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have feelings that need drinking.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
