someone get that fucking seahorse.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
