Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
