someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
