I hate all girls vehemently.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
