How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
