you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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