I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
