forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
