When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
