I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
