mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
