Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
