This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
