Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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