please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
