hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
