And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
