A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
