I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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