I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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