I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
