I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
