There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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