someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
