This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
