the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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