Rock
Scissors
Fuck
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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