He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ttyl tear gas
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
