I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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