We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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