I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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