I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
