the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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