Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
