I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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