haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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