cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
