I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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