so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
