you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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