that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just found puke in my bra..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
