Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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