Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
