Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
