what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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