I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
