after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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